I read an interview with Joan Didion the other day, and she said that she had no idea what was in her head until she wrote it down. And then I thought, maybe that's what's wrong with me. Maybe that's why my head often feels foggy and I seem to keep going round and round in circles of self doubt, rather than making any progress toward my life's goals. What exactly are those goals? All my smug certainty about such things has been washed away in the past year.
I have been thinking about starting a weblog for years--truly, years! How sad is that, that I've been sitting around thinking "I should do that," when for $50 and 30 minutes I could have just started one and dispensed with all the procrastination and regret. I suppose I have always worried that it wouldn't be good enough. That it wouldn't live up to my fabulous potential. So I just spent God-knows-how-many hours reading other people's blogs, learning the intimate details of other people's dinner menus and knitting projects and child-rearing strategies. So, y'all, I'm planning Cincinnati-style chili tonight, and I'm knitting on the cutest little lavender cardigan for my daughter. And do you want to hear about the battle I'm having with my 2-year-old? We now have a zero-tolerance policy about requests to cover up her stuffed animals with little miniature blankets at 3 a.m. She is going to have to learn to cover the damned animals herself.
I am here, finally, willing to try. Willing, even, to do this badly.