If I don't post something soon, I'm just going to have to close this thing up. But I have nothing for you. The layoff buzz is wearing off, and I am completely overwhelmed by my new job. I am trying to figure out the entire world of non-profits and raise enough my money to keep my job in existence in six months of part-time work from my living room. I'm like a chicken racing around in circles, with no idea if I'm headed in the right direction. I feel a lot of pressure resting on my shoulders, because it's very possible I will no longer qualify for unemployment after this six-month stint is over. There is a tiny voice in the back of my head asking, Are you working yourself into being trapped in another job that is stressful and annoying? I think I just need to accept that, in order to earn an income, I am always going to have to do some annoying things and give up some control over my time. But for the moment, this new endeavor is sucking up every moment of my daycare time and I'm not pursuing any of my other professional goals and I'm not writing and I'm spending most of my non-working moments either dealing with Mia or stressing over my ever growing to-do list, which is made up of crappy stuff like housecleaning and grocery shopping and going to the bank.
And I don't know if my attitude has changed or if Mia is just acting like a pain in the ass lately, but our afternoons have been less blissful for the past couple weeks. Like today, when I told her we were going to the children's museum, which caused her to literally jump for joy. But then when I asked her to go upstairs and get her shoes, all hell broke loose. She wouldn't do it, and I wouldn't do it, and so we had to do a half hour of her screaming and crying before we could go to the museum. It just feels like I cannot do anything, anything, without her demanding things of me and calling to me from the other room. Why can't she just come in the room where I am if she wants to ask me something, rather than calling to me over and OVER and OVER!!!!? And every minute she wants to be making arts and crafts, doing playdough, playing board games, pretending to be a dog, whatever--and all of it, all of it, requires my participation. She will not even walk upstairs by herself to get her shoes, even when I am doing 14 things at once and the reward for getting her damned shoes without assistance is a quick departure to the children's museum that she loves.
Now I am out of time, and all I have done is moan. Life really isn't so bad here in my sunny little oasis. I'm going to make it my goal to come back here tomorrow and write about some happy things. I think it would help me to try and focus on them.