I am losing my mind around here. Today has been a wild ride that landed me at the edge of the cliff — ready to jump, excited for the new adventure — and then yanked me back from the edge. I am left utterly disappointed about not getting to take the leap. You see, all the laid-off people are about to have their last days here, and we're trying to figure out how we're going to function without them. And a proposal was floated today in which I would end up with a miserable shift that I do not want. And so I offhandedly said to my boss something to the effect of, "I would have taken the severance and left if I'd known this was going to happen." And so he called me into a conference room and told me I could have the severance if I told him in the next few days. Holy shit!
My heart started to race, and I couldn't help thinking: THIS IS MY SIGN! In the next hour, I created a list of reasons for leaving that was pretty damned convincing. Our financial situation continues to deteriorate, and the next round of layoffs could involve little or no severance. Maybe the only way to find my way forward is to step into the unknown, to take the chance, to make it my full-time job to explore my options. This place has become a misery, and what other chance will I have to leave with several months of pay and insurance coverage, plus unemployment benefits? What clearer sign could I ask for?
And then my boss called me back into the conference room and told me, actually, you can't have that severance after all. Legal issues, whatever. I am left utterly deflated. Lord, when will my real sign come? Have I already missed it?