First let me say that I am over my little funk, at least for the moment. I was very productive, and even optimistic, for much of this week. Moving on...
When I was a teenager, people used to say that I would never make it on my own. I was always the one who was forgetting my purse somewhere, losing my keys (or my priceless pieces of heirloom jewelry), getting lost, missing appointments. I remember when I announced just after college graduation that I was going to Paris, people were saying, "You? The one who can't even keep track of her purse is going to navigate a city on another continent alone?" I blew them off, and then forgot my purse at security on the way to catch my plane.
But I'm an adult now, and I guess I thought I was over all that. Of course I can handle the logistics of life on my own now. I'm a grownup! But I'm starting to realize that maybe I'm still that same flighty kid who really needs someone following behind her to make sure she doesn't drop her keys down a manhole. I had this revelation earlier this week, when I was standing outside a Baskin Robbins at 8 p.m., peering into my locked car trying to spot my keys while a crazed and over-tired toddler ran circles around me. Like an asshole, I had locked my keys in the car for about the hundreth time in my life — and this time it was bad. Mr. SOC was out of town, and the only spare key was on his keychain. My cell phone and all my work papers were in the car, so there was no possibility of abandoning the car until he returned. And Mia's bedtime was fast approaching. I eventually remembered, after an embarrassingly long period of time, that I had AAA. But when I finally called, they couldn't be there until 9, which was an eternity with a toddler who kept defiantly running into the road and trying to climb onto the hood of the car. I finally worked it out. I got a friend to pick us up, take us home, and then wait with the car until the locksmith came. I got a neighbor to sit with Mia while I went back to get the car later. But it was all incredibly stressful, for me and Mia. And the fact is, it shouldn't have happened. Why do I never learn from my mistakes?
I have locked my keys in the car a million times. And just in the past few months, I have had two major incidents where I couldn't find my car keys and couldn't reach Mr. SOC. One of those times, I ended up having to spend two hours walking Mia to daycare and me to work. (Oh, I was in a black mood that day.) So you would think that maybe, I would have gotten some spare keys made? Maybe I would keep a spare in my purse, or at least in my house? But no, somehow the task of getting a spare key made seemed insurmountable. There are so many small, logistical things in my life that I seem incapable of accomplishing. Recording addresses in my address book, returning borrowed items, taking clothes to the dry cleaner, filing documents. Little things that are out of my usual routine become huge obstacles for me. I have a plant in my living room, and I have been thinking for months that I really need to trim it back. This would require a pair of scissors and about 30 seconds, and I still haven't done it.
I am also constantly losing things, something I have done since childhood. I don't understand how other people always remember where they put things down. My Bluetooth is lost more than it is found. My cell phone is the subject of frequent searches. Just yesterday, one day after my car incident, I went to the library to work. As I was about to leave, I realized my cell phone wasn't in my bag. I could have sworn it was there. When I got back to the car, I found it wedged between the seat and the door. I had no idea how it had gotten there. All I could do was shake my head at myself. Why can't I handle life's simplest tasks?