Well, the husband read that last post and got a little upset. He seemed to think I was saying that he had ruined my life, and that he was probably going to ruin our daughter's life too. And that's not at all what I meant to convey. It's true, on the issue of how many children I want, that the situation he brought to the marriage was not exactly ideal. But what husband arrives perfect in every way? Doesn't everyone, regardless of age or previous marriages, bring limitations and circumstances and problems beyond their control? The idea that he's ruining my life, more than any other husband would ruin my life, is ridiculous.
The reality is that he's brought a lot more happiness than problems into my life. Sometimes I forget what a different (and smaller) person I was before I met him. Right now, I'm going to spend a few minutes remembering why I married him, despite the fact that we don't look like the best match on paper. Here are a few of the reasons:
- We understand each other. We naturally share each others values, likes, dislikes and opinions. We like to take the same vacations, watch the same movies, eat in the same restaurants. He never gets me a collectible porcelain doll for my birthday, having absoultely no clue that I would despise such a thing. We don't have to talk about why we don't want to take the carriage tour when we visit a new city, or why we shouldn't buy a plasma TV or drive a Hummer, or why we didn't vote for Bush. I'll never come home to find our toddler watching "Die Hard" and him asking, "What? What's your problem?" It is so much easier to spend your life with someone when so much of who you are is automatically understood?
- He expanded my horizons. Sometimes I forget that, before I met my husband, I had never heard of backpacking. I hadn't been camping since I was a kid suffering in my dad's leaky tent. I hadn't been skiing since my miserable failure in the sixth grade. He has introduced me to the outdoors. He has taken me to wonderful places all over the country that I quite possibly never would have seen without him: Lake Tahoe and Big Sur, the California wilderness, Cumberland Island, Ga., Cape Cod. He has introduced me to many great films, musicians and authors. He has made me a smarter, more worldly person.
- He is a sailor. To think, I had never been on a sailboat before I met him.
- He is completely committed to our relationship. I never have to wonder who or what comes first. It's always me and the kids. Every decision he makes is with our interests at heart.
- He is ethical. He cares about doing something good in the world, not about making money. He has lived his life by that principle.
- I trust him absolutely. I never have to worry about what he's doing when I'm not there.
- He is my safe harbor. He totally accepts and understands who I am. When I feel like everyone else hates me, I can always come home to a person who makes me feel safe and loved.